Saturday, December 31, 2005

All systems go

The Christmas fun and games are just about over. We've just about managed to cram the paper and boxes into the recyling bin. I woke up this morning to the industrial groaning of the bin lorry. I wonder if bin men get danger money for Christmas? :-)

P. went out with her friend K. yesterday evening. I'd completely forgottern about it - and, bless her - she says laughing, "I'll be back after 9.30 at the earliest - so have fun" and she gave the trunk in the spare room a kick. "Just make sure you get your eyeliner off this time!" That was a very welcome Xmas surprise and one I took complete advantage of! Unusally for me, I didn't take any snaps. There must be something wrong with me - perhaps my tranny batteries are running low.

There's been a few items on forums (Roses & UK Angels) that have piqued my interest. One was about motorbikes and it tied in photos and going out dressed. I wonder just how much of being TG is "peacock" behaviour. It's one thing to dress up and enjoy the process of becoming all pretty, but it's another thing entirely to go out and be spotted (or "read" to use the lingo). Being TG is interesting in that by turns its a very private affair that folk keep locked away. Ironically, you'll then find trannies posting pictures, making web sites and going out (dressed up). Go figure. Perhaps it's not enough to be pretty for yourself... maybe we TG folk crave the attention and acceptance of others. There's a thought for today.

How does this tie in with motorbikes? Well, bikes are another look-at-me item. Not everyone rides a motorbike or a scooter - most folk are tucked up in their cars.... whereas those on two wheels stand out. Hmmm... I wonder how many hard core bikers I've just managed to offend there. :-) But, let's be honest lads, next time your mate takes his gloves off, do check to see how well manicured his fingernails are.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Shameless cut and paste

Firstly I must say thanks to Jo for letting her recycle the questions from her blog You can read her original article here.

How long have you been dressing up as a girl?

On and off - for quite a long time. My earliest recollection would be when I was at primary school. What's that? About 8 or 10 or so? I don't know why but I remember getting ready for bed and seeing a pair of mum's tights fresh out of the laundry. I can remember wondering what the felt like and reaching for them... Ahhh, so began a drift to the Dark Side. :-)

After that, wanting to dress up or being interested in girls' - and later womens' - clothes never went away. Sure, you can try and *ignore* your interest, but if you're honest, the want to dress up never goes away.

Do you want to be a girl?

In my teenage years I was very, very confused and wondered just where this cross dressing would take me. Would I want to become a woman? After a lot of soul searching, I realised that I didn't. I'm quite happy being a bloke. The wages are better, you get to play with lots of toys and clothing/grooming is soooo much easier. :-)

Why ‘Lynn’?

I just liked the name. It's as simple as that.

Are you gay?

I always find this a bit of an odd question. Why would a guy, who likes to wear dresses and make-up be gay? Isn't the stereotype that gay men are attracted to macho types? If that were the case, I'd not be showing myself in my best light would I?

Am I skirting the question? No, and I will say this: to deny being gay so ardently (as some men - and trans folk - are prone to do) - to me at least, implies that there's something wrong with being gay. This is going to sound awfully PC, but quite frankly, I don't give a sh** if you're straight, bi or gay. Who am I to judge your life? Love is love.

Does anyone else know?

Yes. My wife, my mum, two t-girls I've met online & IRL plus an old friend from University.

As I already mentioned, during my teenage years there was much confusion. I came out - so to speak - to my Mum when I was 18. It was horrible. I felt so very ashamed and guilty. The guilt was that I'd worn her and my sister's clothes on occasion without permission. That's kinda creepy, but what's a young trans person to do? We had a lot of tears although she thinks "I quit" when I had a chuck out at University.

After throwing what few clothes I had away, I met a very nice young lady at University - now the Ever Lovely Mrs J - who, obviously, I married. She knew that I had dressed up, but at the time I'd purged everything and was on the *ahem* straight and narrow. That phase lasted about two years. She would go out once a week to visit her folks. That would leave me with run of the house and access to a bag of clothes destined to go to charity.....

I managed to keep the lid on things until I started a new job in the late 90s. That job was awful and I'm afraid to say that I used my cross dressing as a stress valve. I started to collect my own clothes and went out to a support group. I came out to Mrs J. a week later. Initially, she took it well, but it remains an occasional shadow on our relationship.

What do you get from the experience?

Sometimes joy, excitement, or even disappointment, but mainly: peace. I feel happy and relaxed when I get to dress up.

Do you get aroused by it?

I find this question very hard to answer. If I'm honest, I have to say that sometimes, yes I do find it a turn on. It's not the cross-dressing that makes me excited, and this'll sound nuts - it's the actually feeling pretty that makes me feel good. Does that make sense? In my youth, just thinking about stockings was enough to - as Peter Cook would say - "give me the 'orn". In later years I find this much less so, although dressing up - while not sexually exciting - is still fun.

How do you find out how to dress, how to do your make up etc?

Studying other women; trial and error; watching YouTube, reading women's mags; researching make-up and clothes on the Internet.

Have you ever been out dressed?

Yes, on a few occasions, but they are few and far between. There's no score card for this and it's not a p***ing contest by any means.

I think Matalan should have a trans discount card, it seems to be a Mecca for t-girls throughout the UK. :-)

Could you stop?

I doubt it. I've tried and for me at least, it just doesn't work. Why lie to yourself and upset others with your grumpy moods because you're in denial. In business jargon: JFDI - just f***ing do it.

Within the TG community, there is a feeling that cross-dressing is incurable. It *may* be possible for *you* to give up. If you wish to do so, good luck. It won't be easy, but it may be possible. Personally, for all the flack and the fall outs, I enjoy it too much. Selfish b*tch eh? :-)

What’s the cause?

The jury is still out. I don't think I've read or heard anything from the psychologists that ring true for all of us. Each of us has a reason that makes sense to them.

For me, I do not think it's genetic, but maybe hormone/birth related. Sure, you can have girly men and macho women, but I don't think being trans fits into that model so easily. I don't blame my parents; it's just a cast of the dice really. I wonder if the strong female role models at home and at school shaped my personality, or was I already leaning a certain way? But all that aside, why can't I stop? Are we truly slaves to our childhood or biological programming? People far more educated than I have researched and written papers on this subject. There's some here and here. If you've got any more, I'd love to read them.

I hope that by being a hands-on Dad, that I'll be a good role model for my son. You want to protect your children and while life isn't easy for straight folk, I'd like to help him avoid some of what I went through. But if he did find he was trans, at least his wife would get nice clothes for Xmas. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Walking, talking and (of course) shopping

Today's been very interesting. I had the day off to go fix the car - that's very rock and roll isn't it? Well, if I'd driven it into a swimming pool, yes, I guess it would be. However, this time, it was merely a service.  But that did mean I had the day off :)

So what did I get up to? Firstly I got a fantastic new skirt from Matalan - a bargain at only 10 quid. I'm very pleased with that. I also got some earrings which - in a Blue Peter stylee - I've tweaked to fit to my small clip-on hoops. After that it was off home to try on my purchases and get dolled up. You can't let an afternoon go to waste can you?

All in all, a very good day.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Killer Heels

Despite being a miserable old mare sometimes, I must confess to enjoying the xmas season so far. Sure, we've got a sh**load of wrapping to do, but on the plus side, P. and I have been to the works' xmas do and have just about finished the christmas shopping.

The xmas do was a blast. We both had a very nice time dancing the night away and the food and company was excellent. Sometimes I wonder if this is the best bit about xmas. Meeting up with people you've not seen for ages and sharing the good times. You can stick your high street queues and novelty markets. :-) Well, nearly...

The xmas party season is the time for trannys. Clothes are spangly and showy. Shoes are high and everyone's on a roll. I gotta say though that I'm surprised that some women can dance in those heels! :-) Actually, I'm not that surprised... it's down to practice! :-)

In other news I've got some time off later this week to go and get my car serviced. That'll mean a full day off because the garage isn't local. But on the brightside that means some shopping while the wheel nuts get tightened and afterwards... perhaps time to pop home, dress up or go shopping. I'm thinking about dropping a few friends a line to see if they're up for some face to face time. Fingers crossed.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Panic over...

Amazing what a good night's sleep can do for people isn't it? This morning's blog was rather scary wasn't it? End of the world, fire & brimstone, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! :) (PS: Name the film).

Things have thankfully calmed down a little and we had a more sedate conversation. The going out remains a bit of a no-no, which is a shame, but compromise is better than divorce.

Other news? The shopping was very good although I was a little bit miffed by the staff in Hot Hair in Nottm. Perhaps the conversation they were having was more interesting than helping a paying customer. :) Ah well, I drifted off to take a look at what else was available.

All ladies' shoes *still* seem to be pointy. Here was me thinking that the fashion media had declared it's round toes for boots and shoes.... will someone tell that to the shops? :) However, the Times recently ran an article saying that various fashionistas have forsaken the round shoe and gone back to pointy. Maybe they couldn't get any either. :)

And the reason for the shopping trip? To get lots of pressies for P. - which I managed with gusto.

The Terrible Truth or the Beautiful Lie?

Two posts in a week? Shock horror! :)

In time honored tradition I'm going to make it a good news / bad news situation. :)

First the good news... the good news is? Well, I still have my family and P. is at least talking to me after last night's tears. This is at least a good sign. Other good news is, that it's shopping day today. Time to go and indulge in some retail therapy for P's xmas presents.

The bad news? Ahh well, we had That Conversation. You know the one, it even gets capitalization. I'll be honest (which is a rare thing) but you can afford to be straight with complete strangers can't you. I'm not going to see you in the street and any questioning looks will be lost in the crowd.... :) Honesty? Oh yes, I've been overzealous plucking my eyebrows. They've never been huge before and now they're probably the wrong side of arched. This has understandably upset P. and we had a late night conversation about it.

We've had one before and it followed a similar pattern. We had the apologies, a few tears (me & her), anger (her), despair (me & her), worry (what about the kids?) and then we came out with a few smiles and jokes. I tried explaining the various reasons psychologists had behind it and maybe that helped. God bless her for sticking with me. I appreciate it must be very hard to understand just why I cross dress - hell, I'm not sure either. :)

In one way it's cleared the air a little - which is always a good thing - but in another I know there's no way in hell I'm going to Chameleon's xmas do this week. Not unless I suddenly develop Obi Wan-type powers.

P. said that she hated the secrecy and the lies... I'm entitled to agree - hence the title of today's blog. So, do you want to know the truth? Do you want to know that I've got a cupboard full of clothes, make-up, wigs, shoes, an on-line diary and some photos on a popular Tranny web board? Or... would you prefer that I don't mention it and it just lurks in the background? Ahh... is ignorance bliss? I bet this is a column Carrie Bradshaw would never have written! :)

I'm fighting the urge to bin everything because I know this is a pointless exercise. I'd be lying to everyone - including myself - if I thought I could give it up. I've been their and got the t-shirt (I'm sure others have too) and for me at least, it just didn't work.

So what's the answer? If anyone does know, answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

All quiet on the western front

Hello World!

How are things?

So what's been going on in my life? Well, that's the thing with having a blog that's on a singular topic. Sometimes there just isn't any news to print.

Actually, that's not strictly true. This is attempt number two to put an update online. I got most of the way through a draft, only to trash it when wifey walked in. Maybe I should be straight about the whole thing and there'd be no secrets. Didn't Grayson Perry say that secrets were toxic. Ahh, perhaps I've been taking his arts column in the Times a little too seriously. :)

So a singular blog? Well, I guess I'm not the only one, but it can limit you to just what to upload. I have another blog elsewhere (not prizes for finding it) which is completely full of the daily chaff of my day to day existance. I believe this is what blogs are for... I think I must post once a week to that and it is a window on to who I am.

Of course, the thing with that is that I don't want you to really know who I am. I suppose in that way, I am your typical tranny: I want to be seen, but not known.

What I could do is move both blogs and merge them. However, I quite like the fact that this part of my life is hidden from others. There's a certain smugness, if you will, about being in the closet.

Sure I've been out a few times, but I'm not Out with a capital 'O'. I enjoy my position within the group where I blog and if I'm honest, I don't really want to be the "Only Tranny In This Village". I'm happy to be me in that regard.

Heh. If you read that last sentance again. It's not strictly true. It is an ironic statement? I don't know. :) Neither of these blogs is really me. One ignores all the real world (this one) and the other ignores all tranny stuff. Perhaps I need to reach a state of balance. :)

I've finally started to catch up with my email. It's not that I get a lot, but it's just finding the time to reply to folk. Something that made me smile recently is that I got a nice thank you from another girl on Roses. I'd merely said something nice about her new photos... and I had a reply. Rather nice of her to do that I felt.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Coffee and toast and I'm back from the dead.

Yeh gads it's cold in dear old Blighty. I've got my leggings (transtastic!) on under my jeans. Jeans are too cold to wear this time of year otherwise :-)

Talking of jeans, how did folk managed to pull off the idea that skinny jeans are this season's must have? I must say I'm quite confused. For *years* - and maybe that's why - I've read/been told that bootleg cut trousers are more flatting for women. So... what's being flogged like no tommorrow? Drainpipe jeans that you have to pour yourself into. What's the line: "If you're old enough to have worn them the first time around, you're too old to can't wear them again" :)

Weather-wise I've been spoilt recently as I've come back from a work do abroad in Spain. Maybe my views aren't accurate because I stayed in a posh-ish hotel near the sea. :) On the way to one of the meetings I passed a shopping centre. I was amused to see a Zara and H&M amongst the range of shops. It's funny, but I was expecting fashion to be more localised for some reason, but do the high-street chains really dictate what we like? After all, getting something that's not in fashion is hell's delight. Female fashion makes me smile because men's fashion moves glacially compared to the cat-like attention span of the media+ high-street.

On another note entirely, I had some time on my own last weekend - all night in fact - so I had a good old fashioned dressing up session. I got a few pictures taken (now on Roses) like all good t-girls do. I'm still struggling with eyeliner though. How do women do it? :)

Sadly a local TG meeting was off (wrong Saturday) so I missed the chance for some socialising. I don't get out much (really? - Ed) - hence this blog - so I jump at the chance to get glammed up and pop around for a chin-wag  Looking on the bright side I did get all evening to try on as many outfits as I could.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Domesticated

Somehow today just didn't get started properly. On the plus side I did manage a bit of dressing up while I did some housework. The hoovering and the washing gets sorted, and I get an hour en femme. Seems like a fair trade.

Talking of luck, sometimes fortune shines on you doesn't it. P. will be out on a girls day & night out later this month. As the saying goes, "while the cat's away..." So, time to take your time putting your face on and trying on a few outfits.

With regards to the leg waxing dilema: I chickened out. To wax or not to wax? In the end I opted for family peace as I think it would freak P. out - and that's just not on really.

I don't know about the rest of you people in trannyland but I find my urge to crossdress increases with my stress levels. I'd like to hope that I'm a fairly calm and unstressed person, but the recent holidays and changes on the work front have brought this type of thing to the fore.

But enough navel gazing for a little while... they'll be nothing to write next week. :)

So on to: Fashion. I must say that I'm a little perplexed by it sometimes. Take this season for example. Various sections of the media are telling us (girls and t-girls - not fellas ) that it's round or chiselled shaped shoes/boots and a wide heel. Really?

Not that I'm one to doubt the fashionistas - I am but a part time girlie with a shoe obsession. However, I find wry amusment in the difference between what's were *supposed* to be wearing and what is actually worn by the woman in the street. Okay, so in some towns that's baseball cap visor and a tracky - but my point remains. :)

Most women I've seen this last week (while xmas shopping) are skirts and pointey boots or bootlegs and stilettos. Possibily not every woman wants what's fashionable and goes for what they like... Or perhaps like blokes, they buy a good pair of shoes/boots and stick with them for a stint.

Oddly enough, my old knee boots (2002?) in the cupboard are square heeled with a rounded snubbed front. They'd probably be alright for this season.

Then there's there was this whole "it's all going to be black suits" vibe going on. I look around and this month most mags seem to have gone for the russian look - whatever that is!

Being a bloke is so much easier. :) You get paid more and 99.99% of the time being in clean clothes and not smelling is all you need to do. Remind me why I cross dress? :)

Monday, November 07, 2005

Down time

Not much girly stuff happening this week. I tried out some new make-up but as every rechargeable battery in the house was flat, taking a snap was a little tricky. :-)

I was hoping to half and half picture of my face. One side made up, one not. Sure, it's a cliche, but why fight it? I already own high heels and a skirt of questionable length :-)

P. (wife) bought some new make-up this week. She'd been deliberating for a while and needed a helpful push to part with the cash. Did I have an agenda? Truthfully? No, it's been *ages* since P. had any new stuff as she considers it a really luxury item. So, thanks to QVC some powder, pre-base and an anti-redness powder arrived. Of course, we couldn't find our old QVC card, so I had to log on for it. I wonder if QVC send a lot of make-up out to addresses with men's names? :)

There's a FlickR project to get pictures of the tranny community together for an art expo. Some of the photos are just excellent. The lighting and subjects just right.

I've got a cold too and don't colds just make you want to crash out in bed with hot tea and a big blanket? This is proof that I'm not a women in a man's body. :-) If I was a woman I'd just get on with life. Being a man, I'm had to stop myself from whinging about flu. :-D

There's a new wig shop in town. I've had a peak at their website and a visit is a must.

[ * Yup, I do need to get my head around posting HTML. I'll need to upgrade my browser to do so. Something for the weekend I feel. ]

Sunday, November 06, 2005

There's F in fireworks

Not much happening on the TG front this week. I've been away with my family for a very enjoyable holiday oop North.

P. got some new boots while we were away. She said she was after some flat heeled knee boots in a biker style. Eventually we found some that were a) a bit biker-esq and b) not too tight / too loose on her calves.

What made me laugh was once she'd found them she didn't like them. She then clapped eyes on some round toed boots with a dainty heel and small platform. They were gorge! So... she left the store a very happy bunny.

S. found himself some high heels to try on while Mummy pulled her boots on. Being TV. It doesn't run in the genes does it? :)

Monday, October 24, 2005

I can't get no sleep...

Last night I had trouble sleeping. I'm not sure if it's the hour long nap I had in the afternoon, the idea that I'm visable (with a blog) or this month's big obsession is running my mind like a treadmill.

So what's this month's obsession? Well, it's not going out en femme (which is a rush all in itself and would be nice). I'm seriously thinking about a) waxing my legs or b) using my epilator on them.

I'm away on business for a week (as I start a new job soon) and the fun and games surrounding this is beginning to pile up. Part of me knows that cross dressing - at least for me - is a good way to let off steam (honestly, you straight blokes have no idea! ). I also know that doing it is going to rub my wife up the wrong way.

It's not a good situation. Interestingly the paper had an article about happiness. To paraphrase a section of it, it's what we don't have and lust after that makes up unhappy. I'm a fairly contented soul and I have a good life. So why is it that we always want something more?

Answers on a post card to.... :)

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The first post isn't the deepest

So this is it eh? Welcome to the blogosphere. The giant swirling hive mind of the Internet. Pushing memes and new paradims through the datasea... Or, just a load of old tosh that's randomly updated by people who should know better. :)Well, the jury is out on that one I'm sure.

So, welcome to my little spot of the t'interweb - soon to be filled with occasional guff and nonsense. I'll be straight with you (heh - straight*) I'm curious as to how long I can keep this blog thing going. Will it disappear by the end of the year or take longer than that? Hmmm... we'll see.

[ * note to self, don't laugh at your own jokes - it's naff. ]